Do you ever feel like you aren’t who you are supposed to be? Who you have been told you should be?
As a Christian widow I felt I was supposed to be emulating the bible character of Ruth: loving, faithful, loyal and courageous. But I was more like Gomer, do you even remember her? She was unfaithful, no self worth, couldn’t see beautiful, or the unconditional love offered her. Hosea, a prophet obedient to God, chose Gomer to be his wife. She was from the wrong side of the tracks and turned her back on his love over and over again.
I felt similar in the early days of my grief. I didn’t care if God loved me. I couldn’t see it, and I couldn’t believe it. I was lost in grief and my world was pain and sorrow. Abandoned by my husband, where was this Good God? Frankly I didn’t care. He had killed my husband.
Over the years I had heard all kinds of conflicting messages from the pulpit. Like if you don’t pray hard enough God won’t look after you. Or if you don’t have enough faith you won’t be healed. That God helps those who help themselves and cleanliness is next to Godliness. What a load of hogwash!
Yes hogwash … I had broken all those rules, yet after a good while, I began to see it differently.
His promise was true even when I was not. His provision was full when I was empty. Unyielding, unfeeling, unworthy… yet taken care of. A Husband doting on his wife that cared not. No matter how sad or mad I was at Him, the greater the care and provision I felt. He was Hosea, I was Gomer.
I discovered an incredible truth…God’s unconditional love had absolutely nothing to do with my actions. It was and is ever present and true regardless of my actions. I have the choice to see it or not see it. He does not. He just does. My faith has become that simple, that uncomplicated.
I might not be a giant in faith or have an uncomplicated track record, but I know what I know. I know Who I belong too, I know Truth that untangles my mess and I know Love that just doesn’t let go.
No matter what Gomer did to Hosea he kept loving her and bringing her home. Nothing she did was too bad as to sever his commitment to her. I might be Gomer, but my love story of many chapters also tends upward. No doubt I have many lessons yet to learn, trials to face. But I have a deep assurance that in every season I am not alone. My rearguard is sure and solid.
He is Hosea, I am Gomer.