Just in Case

“What if the house burns to the ground?”  “What would we do?” “I couldn’t bare to lose everything.” 

These were my thoughts as I drove into work this morning knowing there was a fire nearby. By mid morning an emergency warning had us rush home. We needed to tend the animals and pack the cars “just in case”.

What do you take? What would you take? I scrambled around the house like a woman possessed parroting “That can be replaced, that can’t…over and over. I threw things into the car from laptops, phones, passports, photos and the most random selection of clothes you have ever seen. I grabbed undies, runners and a dress or two!! I looked in the fridge, why? I don’t know!

When push came to shove my thoughts went to losing my late husbands and my partners late wife’s things. I know they are the only things, but they are what we have left of them. You can’t take away the bits I have left. Tears surfaced a couple of times, not because I cared about the house, but the fire sparked some of the grief manicness I thought I had long left behind. The same manic gestures I had turned to at the height of grief. It caught me by surprise. 

The smoke thickened and I could see flames across the lake, that was enough for me. We could have stayed but I am the only parent my kids have left and “just in case” had arrived in my heart. I had to leave. I drove away with the cat screeching and clawing at his cage and stress rising in my heart. 

I had to let it go, let it all go, just in case. 

Paul and Julie were people, not things, they live in our hearts and our memories and will do forever. But I was sad at the prospect and needed to sit and write to let me sadness come to the surface so I could move on. So I could open my heart again. So I didn’t get stuck. 

We are sitting at friends now away from the smoke, and the firefighters have taken care of our house and everything is safe. It could have been different. It has tested my need for those belongings. I don’t need them like I thought I did, but for now I will hang onto them, just in case. In case I need their comfort.

Just in case. 

IMG-0039

Looking back at the fire as we left the house today.

 


5 responses to “Just in Case

  • jeffatho

    Love ya Janene – wow what a day for you all. As you sat smiling and chatting at our place yesterday arvo you actually demonstrated to me such calm and rest. Even though you visited those deep places (as any one of us would facing potential loss) you still found time to get HOT CHIPS ….. for others. You know what I mean. Brilliant !!!

    Liked by 1 person

  • Anonymous

    I wish I could take away your sadness but sadness is a part of love. Hang in there. I’m glad you didn’t lose anything. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  • Anonymous

    Just read your “just in case” post…..might I say you are amazing….all your emotions so normal….God works all things for good….refining us as pure gold, all the while stretching & strengthening our faith…..equipping us for next level….life’s next season…..so we are lacking nothing……May both you & Paul & your beautiful family be blessed double portion as you continue your life journey together…..the physical things that remind us of loved ones, of past experiences may be just things, & we may well have to lay them down in Jesus Name if that’s what He asks but He knows the heart meaning behind these things & how precious they are to us But you showed Him your LOVE above all else & that’s what matters most….your heart has been found lacking nothing….XXR

    Liked by 1 person

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