Tag Archives: hope for widows

P.S. I love you x

Dear Me,

Today your world changed. Today you lost your love, your future and your hope. I know exactly how you feel, I am you, just a few years down the track.

You are wondering if the pain will kill you … it won’t. It is the greatest ache you have ever felt, but it doesn’t actually kill you. Instead it hangs heavy inside your heart, reminding you minute-by-minute that part of you is missing. “Till death do us part” swirls around your mind’s eye… but you didn’t actually think it would happen. Not yet, not to you.

I know you are about to enter a bipolar-like state vacillating between deep pangs of grief and hyper activity to try and prove to your kids that it will be OK. It will all be futile. You will get very, very weak, you won’t like yourself for it. Here’s where I can help.

It really is going to be OK.

Not today, and probably not tomorrow either. But one day not too far away you will feel the sun on your skin, it will remind you of what happiness once felt like. Hold onto that, remember it, you are not going insane, you are just sad.

When you let the endless questioning give way you will find peace again. It’s hiding behind the anger that you won’t let go of. It’s blocked behind the blame game that has no end. You can’t create the peace you need, but it’s freely given when in surrender you pray for it.

When you are convinced God failed you, when your thoughts get carried away and think He is cruel beyond belief, remember it isn’t true. Remember you just can’t see it and you may never know why. When the plan shifts so far away from what you expected remember, it will be ok. One greater than you holds the original draft, His heart is for you not against you. He was and He is and He always has been the One who loves you. He is answering the cries of your heart you cannot put into prayers. He knows.

Take comfort in the fact that he isn’t suffering anymore. That in Heaven he is free from pain, from cancer and will one day meet you again. You can’t fathom that just yet, but lock it away in your heart as a truth, trust me, I know you. It will help.

One last thought … it was not your fault. There was nothing you could do to save him. I know that’s hard for you, but you overthink things, it just wasn’t within your control. You need to let that go. Don’t punish yourself by denying yourself life, love and freedom. It will not bring him back. In fact, the life you live can bring him honour if you choose it. That’s how you keep him alive in your heart, that’s how you can go on.

It really is going to be OK. Believe me I know.

P.S. I love you x

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“I am absolutely sure that not even death or life can separate us from God’s love. Not even angels or demons, the present or the future, or any powers can separate us. Not even the highest places or the lowest, or anything else in all creation can separate us. Nothing at all can ever separate us from God’s love. That’s because of what Christ Jesus our Lord has done.” Romans 8:38-39 (NIRV)


It just does…

When a woman’s hand slides across her childless womb, when a widow gives in to a cold and empty bed, when life isn’t as it should have been. Is there really hope?

When grief pursues forcefully and without warning. When it catches us of guard and defenseless. When it feels cruel, unbearable and dark. Is there really hope?

When we are left feeling a deep ache that won’t go away and questioning it all. Why did it happen? Why do I feel so bad? Why is life unfair? We hope there is hope, we hope there is a light at the end of that pretty miserable tunnel. We can’t see it, can’t feel it, don’t know it. It is a grey fog pursuing and trying to overtake every sense that might pick up on hope, tricking us into thinking its an illusion or just something other people feel. “Other people feel good, what’s wrong with me?”

So where is hope?

Hope, like love, is unconditional. Not dependant on the right circumstances, feelings or good looks! It just is. It is more than what we wish for, it is how we wish it, a feeling of goodness bestowed upon something. It is something that wells up from the inside out. It can be in the darkness without having germinated into the light just yet.

It’s on the inside, it’s the good guy that fights against the darkness, pursuing the bad guy. It has the unending strength that somehow dodges all the bullets even when completely outnumbered. It is a main character that survives all else, and even if it is killed off, it finds its way back in the sequel.

Oftentimes grief is a consequence of an apparent end. The end of things is painful and hard to see beyond. No hope, no point, why bother? But know this about hope, it has no end. It can live in darkness, it does not need the right conditions to germinate, one day it just does. The roots still alive under the blackened earth of the wildfire. It blooms as half a smile, as feeling some warmth on your skin, as a small knowing there is love.

It just does…

How? I believe it happens one very teeny, tiny step at a time. By doing what you can do, not what you can’t. I can go for a walk in the sunshine, I maybe cannot run a marathon. I can get out of bed today, I maybe can’t meet someone for coffee…but maybe tomorrow I can, or maybe the next day. I can find one thing to be thankful for even if just the breath in my lungs. I can look heavenward if only with a glimmer of a prayer, that’s all it takes, just a glimmer, just a tiny bit. This is the supernatural exchange, our darkness, all of it, for God’s Hope. He lives in Hope, He lives for hope. He is in that “it just does” moment filling it with light and life.

Sure the darkness is very, very real. No arguement. But as real and deep the ache, so real and deep the hope.

Teeny, tiny steps. Teeny, tiny glimpses.

Hope lives, it just does.


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