Tag Archives: trust

Ebb and Flow

When a cool tear rolls down my cheek it takes some pain with it. It is like a release valve that lets built up sorrow, stress or anxiety escape from my heart. It’s a vulnerable, bearing-your-soul-kind-of-thing. I have to trust those around me. Lots of people cry in private, hiding their hearts, not trusting people, not trusting places or maybe not trusting God.

I have found a great comfort in my faith for many years. It’s solid, I can count on it. But it is also ever changing, like a river, and you never know what’s around the bend. Sometimes I’ve felt like I’m drowning with pressures and misunderstandings dragging me beneath the surface. Whilst other times are full of utter refreshment and cool relief.

Ebb and flow. I trust in decreasing and increasing increments, usually dependant upon what has gone on around me. Someone dies and I don’t understand why; decrease, something amazing happens beyond understanding; increase. I don’t want to lose trust , I don’t want to “appear” unfaithful, I want to stay in a good place, but sometimes I don’t. That’s the truth.

Pain can sting twice.The original wound, and then it can also lead my heart away from vulnerable, keeping freedom at bay. Faith offers my heart relief, but when I don’t understand what’s happening around me I may resist the very thing I need the most. Humans – our own worst saboteurs!

We want to know how, why and cry “It’s not fair!” But that’s the pressure that drowns. Freedom of heart, I believe, comes only when we know that we just don’t know! That we know we don’t have complete control and trust that God alone does. When I believe that He has my hand in His no matter how furious the current may become and when I’ve just had enough and can’t do it anymore, there is a lifeboat, even if I doubted, even when I don’t trust.

The offer of relief, of freedom, is not dependant on me, it’s always there. A lifeboat always alongside. Trusting is not about understanding it’s about being vulnerable. It’s about letting your heart be in another’s charge. It’s not weakness or frailty, it’s trust in something beyond what you can see. It’s faith.

It’s why I can still breathe.

 

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you…”


Blended Life

Complications. Family. Same thing.

Blending 2 families. I shouldn’t have romanticized it. But I did.

I quickly went from dreams of happy family dinners to lying awake praying I, the wicked stepmother, would not be murdered in my sleep! The kids are good, really, we just had to get used to each other. That implies a lot of change, and kids don’t like change.

My second husband and I have 3 kids each. Yes many, many Brady Bunch jokes are made at our expense. Ha ha, fake laughter ensues…it is not like a fictional half hour sitcom, and no live in maid to clean up all our mess. Wouldn’t that be nice?

At times there have been silent meals at the dinner table, countless complaints about outings together, and endless moaning about the extra chores that come with a large household. Tensions high and relaxing became a thing of the past. A perfect recipe for stress and strain. It didn’t mean we had made a mistake, it just meant we needed more patience, more time and more unconditional love…a tonne more unconditional love.

We are not perfect, not in the past, not now, but we can get along now. We do talk at dinner and we can go away together with only the normal amounts of stress and organisation. There are no perfect steps to take to get to normal. Each family is different, heck each child is different. All I can offer is this – learn to respect, trust and love unconditionally .

Respect the relationships that exist, in fact, encourage them. Time between biological parent and child is important. They have lost part of their family so don’t add to the loss by insisting on everything changing. Respect their personal space, no matter how messy it gets! I’m not good at mess, it stresses me, so I just try not to look. Their room is their room. Basics for regular cleaning are asked for, but beyond that, if they can live in it, to quote a teenager “Whatever!”.

Our kids all had a parent die, a mum and a dad that cannot be replaced. EVER. We know that, we respect that and encourage talking about them. They are gone, but always and forever a very integral part of who we are. Best advice I can offer, don’t try and change that, be a big enough person to understand there are now 4 parents in the family.

Trust, this one took me awhile to figure out. When you birth babies you get to know each other from the ground up, the good, the bad and the ugly. Your kids know what to do, what not to do, and you teach them your values. The new kids do things how they have been trained, problem is it’s different, not wrong, just different. Motives shouldn’t be questioned, not washing a dish does not mean they hate you! It means they are a kid! I had to learn not to judge their attitudes. We all have them, those thoughts of “why should I” or “it’s not fair”. Not everything they do is a reaction to me, it may be, or it may be because they hate their new normal that they didn’t choose. Fair enough, they love their mum, and I’m new, I get it. I know my biological kids would never do anything wrong…cough, cough…of course they do. Each day offers me an education, learning to trust and hopefully one day be trusted back. 

Unconditional love loves flows out of decisions. I can’t wait to feel it. It flows out of respect and trust. It grows from the little things. Looking for moments is helpful, listen if they will tell you about their day, give help if it’s asked for, remember their traditions, find ways to laugh together etc. Then before you know it, you have a little bit of history together, then you have memories, then you have a medium to grow in. It takes a lot of praying that it will be OK, and then a lot of trusting God that He listened and it really will be OK. But the results are worth it. 

We still have a way to go, but we are OK and learning to love each other.

Respect. Trust. Love. We can’t go wrong.

SassyLanePhotography-542


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